Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
