Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
she pinky promised me she was 18
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
