im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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