My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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