we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
