Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just invented taco cereal.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
