Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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