508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
