Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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