Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize