I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
