remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
