can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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