I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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