I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
