we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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