I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
