At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
