I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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