I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
