oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
