I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
