If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
