Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
