she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
