You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
