You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Success! We fucked roommates!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize