I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
