Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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