Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Let's get the cat blown out
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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