This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
