dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
