I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I need to align my fucking chakras
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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