OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
