did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Randomize
