just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
