Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
