yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
