You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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