Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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