Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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