I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
