Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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