it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
