dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm sobbing to NWA
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
