Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
