She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
