guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
