apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
