They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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