____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
