Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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