She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
