but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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