So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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