Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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