So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
