I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
