She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
