Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize