So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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