Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Vodka?
Forever.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
