i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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