think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
