Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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