period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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