When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
