it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
