eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
